February, 2000
The researcher that has helped me locate you has done me a great favor by confirming what I already knew and have on my adoption papers, that you are my birth mother. You see, it's very important for me to have my medical and family history and to have some identity.
Since I don't know what your reaction will be when you read this letter, if I think about it for a long time, it kind of makes me sad knowing you may not want to help me. But I hope that I am wrong. We do not know each other and we probably never will.
I know that my given name is Katherine Ruth. I would like to thank you for at least giving me a birth name. You can't imagine what it felt like knowing I had a birth name. It's such a simple thing, a name. But the simplest things in life are what count.
As we know, my birthday is March 11. I know yours is March 29th. I am not able to speak for you, but each time my birthday has come around I've wondered, is my birth mother thinking of me today. Because there is no doubt I think about you. This will never change.
I'm sure you know that I weighed one pound, twelve ounces at birth, being four months premature. And we both know that back in those days they didn't have the medical technology they have today.
I would like to tell you something about myself in general.
First of all, I would like to thank you for giving me to such a wonderful family. It hasn't been easy, but then nothing is. I have asked during the years for information about my medical and family history. But I was told no information could be given to me. I have my mom and two older sisters. Madeline is a homemaker, a wonderful grandmother, and does tons of charity work. Toni is a professor of French and teaches in a university. Unfortunately my daddy passed away two years ago. He was a
wonderful man and a great father.
Because of my premature birth I have cerebral palsy (CP). When you read this part please don't pity me. I use a motorized wheel chair to get around in. We both know I shouldn't have been here in the first place, but God had other things in mind for me. And that is a fact that can't be
ignored for the simple reason that I am human being just like everyone else and I am here to stay.
I graduated from high school, then went on to a junior college. I didn't graduate yet due to continuously having some sort of surgical procedure done. But that's OK. I have come to appreciate life with every lump in the road.
I have been on my own since I was 19. I have my own apartment and a van especially equipped to transport me around. I have a cat named Kamico and a hearing dog named Ivy, (I use hearing aids). I live contentedly with many friends as neighbors.
I currently serve on the Board of Directors for Protecting and Advocacy. This board consists of many important people from different walks of life. We advocate for the disabled. I am known in northern and southern California as an advocate. I am also serving on several other committees for the same purpose. I travel constantly to the state capitol for meetings. I have made many friends there. (It was through a good friend there that led to a researcher who located you for me.) I have
collaborated on several books and pamphlets and helped change laws for the disabled. I have made speeches to Senators, Representatives, Doctors, and the general public in both educational and political forums. I strongly believe that all disabled people should know their rights and choices in life, and that no one should ever take that away or put them down.
I work part time for different organizations of the government having to do with the disabled. I have an
attendant who helps me with my personal care. She is paid by the government. She is also my personal secretary/facilitator when we go to the state capitol. We have known each other for eleven years. So, as you can see, I lead a very busy,
fulfilling, productive, life and am quite busy.
I am aware that I have a sibling who is married and has children of his own. If and when I contact him, please let it be his choice when and if he communicates with me. I do feel strongly I have a right to know him, or about him.
You can be assured I hold nothing against you, nor do I hate you, or anything else for that matter. Whatever your reasons were then, it was a choice you made and that doesn't make you a bad person.
When you receive this letter I hope that you will read it and not just throw it away without hearing me out first. When you finish, if you throw it away that's up to you. But I truly hope you will keep it. I can only hope that by hearing from me personally through this letter you will allow yourself to rethink about providing me my medical and family history.
Please don't deny me this right. I need to know my identity. Who do I look like? Is it you, my birth mother, or is it my father? Do I look like him? Do I have his blue eyes? What of my sibling, or my aunts and uncles. What of my grandparents? Do I look like them? Do I have their smiles or kind heart? Where is my identity? You hold the key to these
answers. And if you can't provide them or do not wish to, then I will have to contact my sibling and ask him, only if necessary, for my medical and family history.
I am enclosing a baby picture of me. I had red hair and blue eyes. I still have red highlights and big blue eyes. I'm also enclosing a picture of what I look like today. I would appreciate it if you would send me a picture of you and my biological father, and of my sibling.
If you change your mind and want to exchange a letter occasionally, or even call me, feel free to do so. It would be a
privilege to do this with you.
I am closing for now. I won't deny it was scary writing to you because of what your reaction might be. Just remember, that it is not something being relived by you only, but by both of us since I am still here after 45 years.
I wish you the best. I realize right now you have no way of getting in contact with me, or maybe you don't want to. But just think about it and remember where there's a will there's a way. And the only true disabilities are people's attitudes.
Respectfully,
Kathrine R.